I have decided to write this blog and share my experiences with you about the time of my life where I was socially awkward, diffident, and incapable of having confidence in myself because of which I was unable to initiate chats with others. Yes, in this blog I want to take you’ll back to the days where I was a typical introvert and how my fear of talking to new people, the behavior of society towards introverts, The taunts faced as an Introvert and how I got out of this phase of shy and awkwardness is all I am going to talk about!
So before going to college, during my school days, I was a complete introvert with just a few friends in my school with whom I was completely comfortable. I used to get panicked to address in front of more than 6 to 7 people at once. I also used to get frustrated when people asked me, “Why are you so quiet ?”, “Why don’t you talk and interact more ?”.Such questions really annoyed me and some readers reading this who are/were introverts can relate to this. Sometimes when I did want to open up and interact with others, the fear of getting ignored always disturbed me.
“Asking an introvert to open up is as rude as asking an extrovert to shut up”
– Susan Cain
Mainly, people having a huge problem with my introvert nature were my relatives. Like the taunts and questions coming from their side really frustrated me, they said, “why don’t you take part in activities?”, “Why do you ignore us always and never talk?” .They just could never understand that was my nature and that’s how I was. Dealing with them was even more difficult than dealing with the people in the school.
As I was from an all-boys school, you can clearly see I had such a tough time just chatting with boys, hence my situation with girls was even worse. I hardly uttered any word in front of a girl. During my 8th grade, a girl from my society just asked me a question and I just walked past her! She just yelled how rude I was for straight-up ignoring her and at the moment I knew she might be keeping a negative view about me. But little did that girl know that it was my awkwardness and fear holding me back.
But as an Introvert, yes I did talk less and was not good when it came to interactions, but something which I was good at was ‘observing’. That’s something which many introverts are pretty good at because as they speak less and observe more so they chose their friends pretty wisely. As an introvert, I was very selective with whom I shall be friends with. It was the person’s vibe on which I would decide whether I should interact with that respective person. That’s a tip that I would like to give to all the readers . Just be observant because sometimes a person’s action and vibe do speak a lot than their words do.
It doesn’t matter whether you are an introvert or extrovert or even if you have a huge friend circle or a small friend circle, what matters the most is the quality of the friendship and friend circle. I have also made some wrong choices as to who I should make my friend despite being so selective back at that time. So whether an introvert or an extrovert everyone does the mistake of choosing the wrong friend and that always teaches us some important lessons of life. Because if everything would go right in our lives we would never learn anything.
I would rather have people be cynical about me than feed me the negative vibe
Now coming back to me, the most disappointed people seeing me like this were my parents because they always expected me to participate in sports activities, debates, having good social interactions, but after all, I was just a kid who was socially awkward and shy-guy sitting in a corner with a selective few friends. So sometimes it hurt my parents because they carried a lot of expectations regarding me and I used to see myself as if I failed them.
As 10th board exams were over everyone were enjoying their vacations so was I.We did some traveling and I traveled a few destinations which I had in my bucket list. Once we came back home I had a conversation with my mom and she informed me after few days there is going to be an event and there will be a large number of guests and I have to give a short speech in front of them, Hearing that I have to give a speech my heart rate increased and I started to become really nervous. So all credits to my mother she calmed me down and she started preparing me for this. As a kid who never took any kind of participation in speeches, plays during his school life, giving a speech in front of people in large numbers was like making me really anxious.
So my mom prepared me up for the speech but still, the nervousness was just increasing hour by hour. So now finally the time came to deliver the speech when my nervousness was increasing, seeing the crowd I was getting really anxious but the speech had to be delivered. When the speech was delivered and when I met my mother I was so relieved and honestly the speech was not one of my best but the best part happened here was I gained my confidence and a more non-hesitant version of myself came through after this moment.
I was able to initiate conversations with the new people I met. So I was completely open and confident about expressing my thoughts in front of a large number of people. That speech that I gave was not a great one but it surely gave me confidence and I was not just that shy and awkward kid anymore.
Now as I look back, I always cherish the fact that I took the decision to go out there and give a speech. That speech was something that changed me completely and gave me a better, confident version of myself. As we look at some small incidents or things just change us and our personality completely. So if you get a chance to make yourself a better version of yourself just don’t hesitate and grab the opportunity.
I had so many chances but I blew it because I was too damn shy
This quote clearly shows the condition of guys who are shy and because of having the thoughts of what others will think they just blow off their chance. So this is how my phase of being a completely awkward and insecure version of myself came to an end. As they say, the best way you can fight your fear is by facing it. So I would conclude my blog by saying if such huge social gatherings or talking to new people makes you nervous just face these fears by initiating a conversation there you would realize you were just hyping this fear of talking to new people because when it’s done you will realize you were nervous of such a silly issue.